


Confide in You (3)

by womanwhowritesformany



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alexandria - Freeform, Daryl - Freeform, Drama, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, No Smut, Pregnancy, Spoilers, The Council - Freeform, Violence, daryl dixon - Freeform, season 10, the walking dead - Freeform, twd, twd fanfic - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28422690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/womanwhowritesformany/pseuds/womanwhowritesformany
Summary: BOOK 3 OF 3. Final book to the Confide series.Alex continues to change through the struggles of life altering issues, fighting against fear and keeping the hope that Rick tried keeping alive.*Previous book: Confide in Hope**First book: Confide in Fear*Continue to follow the story of Alex and Daryl, in the third and final book of the Confide trilogy.(Season 9/Some S10 TWD)
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, welcome to the ending! This final book to my CONFIDE trilogy will only last fewer than 60 chapters, so get ready for it to all end...🖤

0\. Prologue - 3 Years Later

Six years later  
Each and every day had become unbearable, ever since that moment of shock and the pain that came from him saving us. By sacrificing himself, he left the memory and story of himself to be told to others who never knew him.

Rick was a leader, who cared about everyone no matter what the differences were. He was broken when Alex met him, but she watched him become the leader they all saw. He was the reason for their hope and the reason why the others and Alex had to follow in his footsteps.

She became the leader he saw her as, even though she couldn't see it yet. She did this for him, Carl and the new world.

Alex led Alexandria along side Michonne. And although she had barely kept up with Hilltop and the others, she tried made sure to stay in contact with Jesus visiting each other outside our walls. They helped each other, accomplished numerous goals we always wanted to complete, traveling, trading and getting together for a fair.

Maggie and Alex somewhat resolved the lingering differences about Negan. They did it for Glenn, they did it for Hershel Jr. since she was the godmother. And Alex wanted to be in his life, watching him growing up. Alex also did it for Rick, to make sure there was peace for all.

The more time she spent at hilltop, after going back and forth, the more she realized she wanted to be that leader, to look out for their people. It felt strange and foreign, but eventually it all started to feel right. But of course, things were never going to be the same as they were before Negan.

Alex spent days and weeks and maybe months together with Michonne and Daryl looking for Rick and any signs that led to him. As time went on, they helped her by any way that they could. Michonne's stomach grew bigger with the weeks that had passed by. And eventually , Alex couldn't keep going on. Michonne was angry, sad but she understood they she needed to look out for Alexandria. But Daryl...

It changed and it wasn't easy. He wanted to continue with Michonne. Then, he wanted to be on his own, alone and out there beyond the communities. They isolated themselves to give each other space, in hopes to come back together, but that turned into even more space. Things became hard, every passing moment. She was left with the pain of being alone, feeling lost, which all hit me at once.

Alex felt herself change day by day and she didn't want to accept it. It was all different since that day, but it became real since the fight and since the last time her and him ever spoke.

She carried her heart by her sleeve, and since then it has been tucked away, hidden so no one could see it. She wasn't so sure if she had it, it was like it disappeared with time, just like him.

Daryl.

Over the years, her skills in defense and fighting had advanced. The more Jesus and her worked together on numerous things including runs, the more my abilities in fighting and thinking enhanced, preparing her each and everyday for being a leader. The more people they found, families and children, they became stronger. Alex began teaching kids self defense and simple moves for future endangerment. Not only was that something she was able to teach, but simple things like reading and how to write had to be passed down- and she wasn't going to allow kids to grow up with fighting being their only smarts.

They needed this.

But the time where they needed each other the most, they turned to isolation.


	2. PART ONE - Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PART ONE: 3 Years After Rick and the Bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, the beginning is a huge change and probably a big surprise in Alex's case. But things will become more clear, but still complicated with Alex and even with Daryl.
> 
> Remember, the first part of this third and final book is all about the 3rd year, so we're not doing the big time jump from the show until the SECOND part. You'll know when its the official 6 year time jump that happens in Season 9, Episode 6.

3 Years After Rick and the Bridge

The sunlight from Alex's window had shined right in her face. It was early morning, and once again another night with restless sleep. For years, she couldn't sleep right. It went deeper than just sleep. Without being in the right mindset, it forced her to stay up for hours, to work non stop, so that she could try not to think about all that went wrong since Rick's death. But, despite Alexandria growing stronger, as well as the other communities, she felt like she wasn't growing with it.

Months, definitely even some years have passed since Rick's death. Things were changing, most of it was good. Alexandria had elected officials to make the community thrive and more organized. They held elections for certain roles so things could work. There wasn't just going to be one leader anymore - there were going to be leaders for certain aspects.

Alex finally opens her eyes, but quickly squints at the sun. Everything was too bright, and she was exhausted. Her head turns from the window to the body laying down next to her, hiding in the covers and the pillow.

"I thought you left last night." She groans, stretching her body.

"Good morning to you too."

His voice was deep, but loud enough to hear him. Her body rolls over then sits up against the wall on her bed. She rubs her eyes, then stares down at the man beside her laying down.

"I've told you this many times, you can't sleepover. You can't.. we can't do this."

"Oh come on, babe." He chuckles as he sits up next to me. "You have to admit, this? This is perfect. Having a good time at night, then falling asleep-"

"I'll stop you right there," she laughs sarcastically, as she points at him and then herself, "this doesn't mean anything."

"Oh, Lex."

"Do not call me that." Her head snaps to the man laying in her bed. "You gotta go, get out. Now, Elijah."

"What? I can't put on my clothes here?"

Alex stands up, dressed in the heavily faded blue button down that was once his. She stares down Elijah in annoyance. "Elijah, go."

She watches him swiftly move off the bed, heading to the door.

"Alex, you gotta just let things happen." He says.

"No, not this." She shakes her head and turns back to her window, looking out at the empty streets of Alexandria. "That's done with."

Once she's alone, she sits down on the edge of the bed, sighing as she puts her head in her hands. After trying to gather her thoughts about Elijah, she looks around the empty guest room. She silently thanked herself for never bringing him or anyone else in the room next door, the one her and Daryl shared - she didn't think she could handle the heartache if she let another man that wasn't Daryl, in that bed.

The day Alex and Daryl watched Rick sacrificed himself for everyone, was a rough day. Especially the days and weeks leading after. The two of them stood by each others side, despite everything that happened. Although they barely spoke, they both accepted each others embrace and comfort.

During that time, Alex felt like maybe it was time to get over the difference in perspective they shared, especially now since the majority of saviors are dead, and some completely gone. Negan was still in his cell, rotting away for what he did. But it wasn't easy, not for her and definitely not for him. Their relationship was...not the same. It was still something they were trying to figure out after all this time. It was like time was becoming the enemy for them both. Alex thought maybe things would get better for the two right away. But it still took time to get to where they used to be.

After giving up on the search, Alex spent her time in Alexandria with others trying to continue what Rick wanted for the community. Michonne went on with Daryl, and that's when Alex noticed that things would be different with them. Daryl wouldn't return to Alexandria, or live anywhere else.

Occasionally, for the first year after Rick he would step in for visits. Everyone, including Alex, had always welcomed and accepted him. It was his home, they were family. But no matter how many visits, he would never give in, only to return back to living in somewhere among the woods, alone. Despite the deafening silence between them most of the time, there were rare moments where Daryl would show up to their old place in Alexandria (where Alex still lived) and they would share intimate moments.

But something felt off about him, Michonne too. It was like something had happened when they were out beyond the walls of Alexandria, something bad. Alex couldn't bring herself to explicitly ask, but if she asked how it all went after she left them two, Michonne would either ignore or vaguely respond.

And after the second year, they continued to grow apart. It was just space and time growing between them, and Alex was hurting. Although she had people like Rosita by her side, there was still pain that made her feel like she was breaking. The visits were decreasing, only ever popping in on Alexandria to check on Michonne and the kids.

Without Alex knowing, he knew how close her and Rosita had got, so he would talk about her and check in on her through Rosita. For some reason, he didn't think that Alex wouldn't want to see him.

And at the mark of the third year since Rick, Alex was pushing herself every day to work. Even in places where she didn't need to. She was doing what Rick was supposed to be when they first arrived in Alexandria - a constable. Someone who basically policed the community. But she wanted to join Michonne with being the security at home. Michonne would be out almost every day, while Alex stood back and made sure things were going smooth with everyone, and no intruders intrude.

Alex left the guest room and headed next door to her bedroom. She grabbed clothes and shoes and took herself into the shower. She wanted to rid herself of what she did last night, what she had been doing the past few months. She didn't know where her and Daryl left off.

Did it end without saying? Was he gone all this time because he wanted to move on? What about all the settling down he was finally getting comfortable with? It had to be all gone since they never spoke.

Time was telling. And it wasn't telling anything good.

After spending a handful of time in the shower, mostly over thinking things like always, she made her way down the streets and towards the gates. Today, Michonne was leaving again to go beyond the gates. Whether it was hope and looking for a possibility that Rick was alive, or if it was her making sure Alexandria was safe from anything or anyone bad.

She sees Michonne walking the horse to the gates, pausing to wait for them open.

"I thought maybe you'd stay back, you know..."

"You got the kids today for me?" Michonne asks as she jumps up to sit on the horse by the front gates.

"Of course. How long are you going to be out there?"

"More than a day."

"Have you seen him lately?" Alex asks, furrowing her brows.

Michonne nods, offering a tiny smile. "Yeah, he's been on some runs with me. Held up in his own little camp still."

"Same place?"

"Yeah, you thinking about visiting him? I could take you there."

"Oh, no.. not today." Alex takes a step back.

"I have the walkie, so signal me if anything."

"Hey 'Chonne?" She looks down at Alex again as she speaks. "Be safe out there."

"Always am." She furrows her brows.

The gates open and Michonne's horse gallops fast out of Alexandria, making her way back on the road. Alex signals the watchers to close the gate back up, and from there she's ready to take on the day.

Alex finds herself patrolling the perimeter of inside Alexandria, just as a routine to make sure the walls were holding up, and that nothing was threatening the community. She gave up on runs a long time ago as she figured if she isn't entirely okay at home, how could she ever be okay out there again?

If Rick was here, he would've knocked some sense into her with one of his speeches. Oh how she misses that so much.

Alex found herself outside her home, holding onto RJ in her lap as she sat on the steps and watched Judith skip around with another child, playing silly games and talking about who knows what. She started to see Carl in her more and more as she grew. And little RJ was looking

As the next two days go on, Michonne doesn't return home. Alex isn't worried about her safety, just concerned for her and the fact that her kids are in need of her. But that was one thing the kids never needed to worry about. They were all family, always with them and watching out for them like if they were their own.

As Alex checks in on everyone for the day, she finally sits down and relaxes with RJ as Judith plays.

"Yo!"

Alex smiles at the sight of the black, long haired woman coming her way. One of her best friends, and someone who's kept her company in times of misery. Rosita pats Judith on the head as she walks by and towards the steps of Alex's home--apartment.

"What's going on, Lex?

"Taking it easy, watching the kids." She smiles down at RJ.

"He's starting to look like Rick."

Her eyes stare down at his, as he smiles big and starts tangling his hands into Alex's long hair.

"He is."

"So..." Rosita drags out the word.

"What?" Alex looks up, ready for her teasing about whatever she was going to tease about again.

"So, you and Elijah."

"Are nothing. Now, we need to set up a plan. We're running low on some women's stuff. I figure I'd send you and a few others out."

"Don't change the subject." She rolls her eyes and laughs as her body shifts her weight from one foot to another. "Besides, I think it's great you're finally moving on."

"Rosita."

"What?" She stares at me, neither of us saying another word. My shoulders slouch as I let out a sigh, shaking my head. "Dios mio, please don't tell me after all this time you're still worried about him."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"But you need to." She says, grabbing my hand. "It's been so long since everything happened. Never saw you speak to anyone, I've caught you breaking down more times than I can count on my fingers. You and I, we've had our moments. But I just wanted to let you know that I'm always here, we've come along way you and I."

"There's nothing to talk about." Alex lies, she knows damn well she has a million things running around her head.

"When you're not in denial anymore, just find me. But you have to listen to me... I know that you two never really ended things, or even resolved things. But you can't keep hurting yourself by using Elijah, when you know damn well your heart belongs with someone else."

"Rosita..."

"We don't need to talk now, I know." She grabs Alex's hand. "Find me later tonight, we can have a girls night. Just us, alright?"

"Thanks, Ros."

With that, she squeezes her hand and walks away, leaving Alex perplexed. She hasn't thought about him in a while, and now, it'll be in her mind for not only the next few hours, but the next few weeks.

It's getting closer to night, the sky painted baby blue with a peach and purple sunset illuminating the community. Out in the crisp weather, Alex takes Judith and RJ for a nice walk around Alexandria. RJ was falling asleep in the carriage, Judith was walking ahead, the big sheriff hat slowly falling over and covering her eyes making Alex laugh.

This made her feel okay. Even though she didn't have Daryl and she couldn't ever have her own kids, being guardians of these two and being a godmother to Hershel Jr.

Just before she turns the corner by the front gates and heads back home, they open just startling Alex a tiny bit. She stops in her tracks and watches Michonne enter with her horse. SHe was finally home, and earlier in the day, she wasn't so sure if Michonne would come tonight.

For a second, she begins to question why the gates never closed. But then she sees him.

Daryl.

He walks in and her eyes go wide. She wasn't expecting him to be here, but here he was. He follows Michonne who is now off the horse and they walk together, towards Alex.

Of course she wants to see him, talk to him. But she didn't realize that she wasn't ready or even capable just yet. And god, she hates being so weak after all these years of finally becoming stronger and being better at confrontation.

But now she's back at square one.

"Mom!" Judith smiles, and looks up at Alex.

Alex laughs, "Yes, your mom. She's home! Go."

"Can I take the stroller?"

"Yeah, sure. Be careful, your brother is sleeping." She says, carefully guiding Judith with the stroller and letting her walk on her own when Michonne is just a few feet away.

Alex waves at Michonne, and quickly turns away from her and Daryl, practically running back to her home. She runs into Siddiq on the way and tells him to have Rosita meet her as soon as she could. But, as time goes on, she doesn't show up for a while.

As she waits by the window, she finally sees her arrive and takes the wine bottle and the glasses outside.

"Took you long enough!"

"Sorry, I was handling things."

"Siddiq?"

"No, actually," Rosita smiles, taking a seat on the step and grabbing the bottle of wine out of Alex's hands. She pours them both a glass and stares up at Alex who's sitting a few steps up from her.

"I saw Daryl for a bit."

"You were talking to him?" Alex asks, as they sit on the stoop, wine glasses in their hands.

"I can't not tell you this...but he's been asking about you." Rosita says. "You know how he is, Alex. He's afraid."

"He tell you that?"

"He didn't have to." Rosita looks up at her from the bottom step, her eyes filled with sympathy and some sadness. "Look, he needs you. But he's hesitant for reasons he won't say. I think he's just scared to face you, maybe what happened to all of us years ago and you two weren't on the same side."

"But...if he wants to be here, if he wants us to get where we used to be, why isn't he here?"

"He's scared, Lex." She nods. "You never backed down from what you stood for, you still don't. So I think he might feel as if you won't look at him like before. And Negan's still alive, he's here in Alexandria. Just think about that."

"All these years though. It doesn't make sense."

"If you both still feel like you can come back to each other, make things right... you can do it. I just think you both need a push in the right direction."

"Is this you pushing me first?"

"I've been speaking to him for... a long time now." Rosita admits. "So maybe I've just been trying to push the both of you."

"Are you doing this for me and him in order to clear your mind about Siddiq?"

"Nope." Rosita smirks.

Alex looks at her questionably as she sips the glass of wine. After gulping down the rest of it, she sighs and stares ahead, thinking about the mistakes she's made with Elijah, and wanting to get some answers from Daryl. She can't keep going on like this.

"We deserve to get peace." Rosita says. "After all this time, after everything everyone has been through, it's what we deserve. Move the fuck on and get better."

Things are changing again, for the better. But Alex felt like everything and everyone around her were going with it, and she was stuck in the same spot just years ago. How long can she keep up until she falls behind, stuck in sorrow?


	3. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Michonne share a moment together.   
> i love michonne so much :,)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a good conversation with Alex and Michonne to show their friendship, and show that it mirrors Alex and Rick's friendship and how they've always supported each other, thick and thin.
> 
> How did you like the chapter? Are ya'll ready for whats to come?!?! don't forget to vote and leave a comment 😄
> 
> Also, cant believe TWD is ending at season 11. my heart hurts!

Alex couldn't stand to look at herself in the mirror. Today was just one of those days where she didn't want to see what a mess she was becoming. You would think, with all this time being alone, she would've gotten over it or started to feel better.

But it was just the opposite.

Although she had grown just a little bit older, heartbreak carries in every age. She felt unbalanced, almost incomplete without him by her side. She didn't want a man to make her feel like that, to feel weak. But it was more than just a simple love ache—it was living like Rick and Carl had dreamed of, just without them, Glenn and Daryl by her side in Alexandria.

Constant regret of helping Rick that day with keeping Negan alive had suddenly started to rise in her head after a while. She questioned if they would've killed Negan there, killed all the saviors, surely everyone would've been okay?

But what if they weren't that lucky in trying to do that? What if all this time, keeping Negan was the only way?

And Rick's speeches and things he's taught her lives on in her forever. Doing what they've done in the past was all for the future, all for now. To live. They needed to do what they had to in order to get where they were now. Even if that meant losing people.

Rick did it for them, and now they were doing it for him too. They made a new beginning for everyone, and it had to continue to be like that.

Throughout the fall morning, Alex kept herself locked away in her home. After just days ago of Daryl's visit, she didn't want to risk going out today and running into him. Even if Rosita told her almost everything he said to her, she still didn't feel like it was the right time.

Whether Daryl stood the night or not in Alexandria, Alex kept her distance. Not only from him, but from Elijah too.

Rosita was right. She couldn't continue to screw things up with him if she couldn't love anyone else but Daryl. But that was the problem, Elijah was too nice and just let things happen between them. But after that morning, Alex knew she couldn't continue doing whatever it was for him. And Daryl didn't have to know either.

Alex finally left her home when she heard some news from Rosita that Daryl left Alexandria. She had to drag herself out of the room and home just to get to where she needed. Her motivation was the relationship she had with Michonne and the kids. Michonne never blamed Alex for leaving years ago when looking for Rick, but of course her emotions were heightened. Carrying a child, losing the man she loved...Alex understood if she did hold any anger towards her still.

The two of them sit in the living room, as Judith played with RJ on the messy floors of the house, running back and forth between different rooms.

"Are you doing okay?" Michonne asks. "I know yesterday was kind of a surprise for him coming here."

"It startled me, won't lie about that. Why did he come?"

"Judith actually wanted to see him, she's been begging me for the longest time." Michonne smiles. "That kid knows he's been looking out for her since she was small. But we also spoke about some things."

They both pause for a second, Alex furrowing her brows, slowly realizing she might be referring to something Michonne's kept away from everyone.

"I know it was scary then." Alex begins. "When the kids were all gone, Judith. I wanted to go with you and Daryl, to find them. But when you told me I should be here, I accepted that beyond those gates wasn't going to be my job anymore."

Michonne tenses up, not wanting to talk about her old friend, Jocelyn, and the things that happened to Alexandria and the kids.

"Will you ever tell me what happened?" Alex asks, as she leans forward with her arms resting on her knees, hands holding her chin. "You and Daryl came back different. It wasn't and still isn't clear. I get that you had an old friend and she betrayed you, all of us. But it was deeper than that, was it?"

"I could tell you," Michonne says vaguely, ignoring everything else that was said. "But I think you should speak to Daryl."

"Michonne..." Alex sighs.

"Alex, you need to understand that what I went through, what me and him went through and needed to do...It's something I can't share."

"And if Rick was here..."

"I'd be talking to him." Michonne nods. "It has nothing to do with not wanting to open up to you. We're family, but I just can't."

Alex nods, placing her hand on hers, "I get it," she says as she smiles with empathy, understanding where she's coming from.

"Speak to Daryl, huh?"

Michonne smiles, "Yeah, you should. I know he takes time in opening up, he's closed off, now more than ever. But maybe if you extended your heart to him, maybe he'll begin to reach out."

Alex takes moment to absorb her words, and thinks back to what Rosita has been telling her.

"I see the way you hesitate with me." Michonne admits. "That day when you told us you were going to go back home, I want you to know that I was angry at first."

"Michonne, you don't need to explain. I think I kinda deserve it, if I'm being honest."

"That's the thing, you don't. You were just trying to keep Alexandria safe, with a leader and honor what Rick was doing. I was holding so many emotions all at once. When I snapped at you that day, when he did too.."

"It's okay." Alex squeezes her hand. "Look at us now, me and you are okay today."

"We are." She nods. "So go see him, get to that place too, with him. Try."


	4. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is hit with a visit from Daryl. Daryl is hit with a visit from Alex the next day after he leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Love is but a fleeting friend, we'll end up both alone, oh we know ... Everyone leaves eventually, darling. Don't be afraid."   
> Eventually, Darling - Declan McKenna
> 
> "we survive by pulling together, not apart."   
> rick grimes

A day after her conversation with Michonne, she felt like she owed it to not only Daryl, but herself and Rick to show up and talk to him. If this is how things were going to go for another three years, she would not like that, so she wanted to put an end to the agony and try.

The horse ride to where Daryl was camping out at, wasn't so long. He wasn't actually so far from Alexandria as she thought he was. There was no Daryl in sight. Just an empty little camp set up, but he was definitely still living here. Alex roams around after tying the horse to a tree.

She see's a small pit for fire and notices that it was smoking just a bit. He was probably just here and she missed him. Her nerves relax when it is clear that she's missed him. She takes a breather, closing her eyes, to gather herself before going back home.

"If you were looking for me, I was just out hunting."

She opens her eyes and sees Daryl standing a couple of feet away from her, dropping some dead animal onto the ground. He's back, he's here.

"Nice camp you have set up."

He nods, waiting for her to continue on talking, figuring out why she showed up today. Alex leans against a tree, staring at him from afar.

"Look, I don't know how to start. But with Rosita and Michonne telling me to come here, with this being a start, I'm just going to talk."

"So go on." He urges, resting his crossbow on the ground next to his chair, but he doesn't sit.

"You know I wanted to keep looking for Rick. But I couldn't. Rick is gone, Michonne was out there with you, Alexandria had no leader. I needed to step up and make sure that our home was taken care of." Alex starts tearing up, but she made sure to make every word clear to him. She stays against the tree, her arms folded into her chest.

"I thought about you every day. I have missed you, every goddamn day since I made the decision with Rick to keep Negan alive. "

"Did that change?" He asks, standing up from the water and walking to Alex.

"In the past, yeah I was upset. At you, at everyone who didn't have hope in Rick and I and everyone else. But I was also upset at myself for not giving your way a chance. But we have to get over it, we have to keep living. For everyone we've lost, it'll only make things more sufferable."

"How?"

"First step would be to just accept what things are like now." She offers.

"That ain't easy, and you damn well know it."

This hurts her, but she doesn't back down from trying.

"Just fucking listen to me, please." Alex pleads. "I've tried so long to try and do this, to come to you. To open myself up and extend my hand to you, to make you see that you need us, we're family. But if you don't, fine. I'll just leave you here, alone, like you want."

She takes a step forward, but then her back hits the tree again when Daryl holds her arms and slightly pushes her. She grabs onto his forearms, looking up at him confused.

"Is this how it's going to be? Between us."

He doesn't answer, like always, but his eyes meet hers. For a moment, he hesitates to speak or lean in and kiss her. But he decides to speak.

"I guess it is now."

"But it doesn't have to be!" Her eyes go wide as she tries to hit his chest. "You saw what being apart does to us, what it did. It doesn't need to be like this and you know it. You know I'm right. Just- Daryl-!"

Though, both getting really aggravated with each other, his lips slam into hers. Their lips meet for the first time in so long. She can't even remember when they've shared a kiss, or stood this close to each other. Alex pulls back just an inch and sighs as she's reminded of the feeling of what it was like to kiss him.He doesn't respond with words, but instead his arms drag down to her waist, squeezing rather tightly.

"Shit." Alex shivers at his touch as she lets out a deep sigh. He's silent, but the way his body moves and the way he breathes, she knows he missed this. And he knows she has too.

For the first time in a long time, she doesn't feel shame or regret. She's with the person she actually loves and it doesn't feel wrong. Except for the facts that she doesn't know where they stand and he's not with her in Alexandria.

Daryl lifts her up abruptly, nothing thinking about anything else except for her and the pounding inside his chest. They don't look at each other, and things just happen fast.

"I've missed this." She speaks. "It's - it's been too damn long."

As they both reach their highs, ending it with loud sighs and inconsistent breathing, Daryl drops her back down on her feet, taking a step away from her. Alex moves the hair out of her face and looks at him, but he's already walking away and it leaves a stinging feeling inside of her.

He leaves her be to get dressed by the tree. She watches him walk away as she pulls up her jeans and throws her shirt back on. Her mind begins wondering if this was a step into a better direction with each other, or if this was a goodbye. She couldn't tell, she couldn't figure it out. Alex walks to him,

By the water, Daryl crouches down to was his face and cool down. After splashing some cold water, he sits down, hunching over as he stays to think about Alex. He wasn't sure if this was a one time thing, perhaps a goodbye and move on. Or, if it was just a way to let him know she's there, with him. He suddenly hears movement from behind him, causing him to stand up and look behind him. His eyes peek to the side, not moving his hair out of the way.

Alex stands just a few inches away from him, looking at him by the water. He stands there shirtless, but quickly pulls the flannel over him, to hide.

She walks to him, then placing her hands on his shoulders as his back is now turned from her. There was something in that moment that made her slow her movements, as she raises one hand to place on his shoulder and the other by his waist. Her head rests in his back as her hands gently squeeze him, making sure he was not a dream.

Moving her head closer, she kisses the back of his neck, making him shiver from her touch. Her hands move away, then drags down the flannel off his back, revealing a new and bigger scar than she's ever seen on him. It looked like it had to be from a burn.

"Daryl. What happened?" Her voice cracks as she observes his branded back. "Are these a bunch of words?"

"It's nothin'."

"You got hurt, of course it's something. When did this happen?" Alex lifts his face so that he could face her. "I wish I could've been there with you."

"I'm glad you weren't."

Her hands slide up to his neck, forcing him to turn around, gently, looking at him questionably as she waits for an answer.

"You would've got the same shit if you stood out there with us." He says.

"Michonne has it too?" She pulls her eyebrows together as she thinks back at the time where they had to go out and save the children of Alexandria.

"This happened and you didn't tell anyone?"

"We did what needed to be done. Michonne had to."

"All these years?"

He nods his head. Despite it being completely dark out, she knows he's crying, she can tell from the way his shoulders hunch in, his breathing picking up as he tries to hide his face. Her hand caresses his face again, then places it back to his neck, squeezing gently.

"That's why she got me out here." Alex whispered as thinks back at yesterday's conversation with Michonne . "Listen to me," she begins. "You have always been one of the strongest people I have ever met, have ever been the honor to know and stand by. But there comes a point in time where it's okay not to be strong."

His head nods, finally leaning into her neck as she continues to talk.

"Daryl, I'm not saying you need to let your guard down when you're out here. But let yourself feel. You need to let yourself feel. I've learned that so many times already, I've hidden everything these past few years and I'm finally letting myself feel all the pain in order to get better." 

The next morning, Alex found herself lying alone in Daryl's tent, covered with his poncho he'd laid on her when he woke up earlier. She rolled over, rubbing her face with her hands and sat up, looking around at the empty tent. She noticed it was open just a little bit, giving her a sight of the trees and Daryl sitting in a chair, hunched over a tiny fire.

She put her sweater on, then tied up her boots before leaving the tent. As she stood up and stretched, she watched him play with his knife.

"Hi."

He turns around and nods at her.

"I... I have to ask you something."

"Mhm?"

Alex walks over and sits on her knees, on the ground next to his chair. She waits for him to look at her, and he does after a few seconds.

"Rosita told me that you've asked about me, every time you came around Alexandria. Why didn't you come to me? You could've walked up those steps and walked right into our home."

He bites his lip, holding in the smallest of smile at the mention of our home.

"She told me the reason she thinks. I just want to know the reason from you."

"I didn't think you'd ever want to see me again. And you just stopped."

"Stopped what?" Her eyebrows furrow in.

"It was just the damn three of us out there looking for him, until you just left us. 'Chonne was just a few months pregnant, you left and she needed you. She needed both of us."

"Daryl, I already told you the reason why I had to leave. Alexandria needed someone. And Michonne told me, she did need me, but so did our home. If she could forgive me, why can't you?"

"Alexandria had others." He ignores her question. "They have Rosita, hell even Gabriel."

Alex stands up, "I did it for Rick. I went back because I knew it in my gut that he would've wanted me there. He believed in me to lead, and now I'm starting to think you don't believe in me."

"Lex, that's not what I meant." He stands up from his chair now, and drops his knife to the ground.

Lex. She flinches at the name he would always call her, and now it's really starting to feel real. Him, being there in front of her. The first real conversation they've had in years. Unbelievable.

"I'm sure it wasn't." Alex rolled her eyes. "Listen, I did it for Rick, I still do it for Rick. And to answer you, about me never wanting to see you again? I just wanted us to work through it all and get over it, get back to where we were before. I want you, and I need you, Daryl.

And I know that man still locked in his cell, still angers you, I get it. But he's in there while we're here. We're alive and we get to keep living." Alex take his head in her hands and gives him a gentle squeeze, with her hope and head held high 

"So let me ask you, are you able to come home? Please, for me, for our future. Let's start living. You have a home, you don't need to be out here. I need you. I don't know what to do. We've got the chance to patch things up, move on. Rick will never be able to do that with you, but we can. We have that chance now."

Daryl stays quiet, soaking up her words. It sounds appealing, to be with her again, to make things right...but he just can't. He can't be with her, he can't be with others. Not yet, now now. He can't watch Michonne continue to grieve, he can't be there for Alex and make her better if he's not going to get better himself. He was falling back into isolation.

And Negan. He sure as hell know he won't be able to stay in Alexandria knowing he's still alive. They stare at each other, like always, and it hurts. It hurts them both for the same reason.

Alex's glossy eyes are so close from spilling over the edge of her waterline. Her heart is pounding, feeling like he might say yes and pack everything up and go with her. Her brows are furrowed in, yearning for his answer and for him again as she's holding her breath.

And Daryl's eyes are glossy too, his heart aching at the sight at the woman he loves in front of him, hoping for an answer she's looking for. But it pains him for what comes next.

"I can't." His voice barely comes out, cracking just a bit as he avoids her sad, teary eyes.

She lets out a trembling breath, and starts to audibly cry in front of him.

"Um okay." Alex nods, taking her hands away from him and stepping back.

"I'm-"

"Daryl, it hurts. A lot. But I would be holding you back from letting you do things how you want to do them. If time is what you need to let yourself feel, then so be it. Just please know, you're not alone. Alexandria is your home, I'm you're- I'll be there."

He nods at her, wanting to explain everything. But it wasn't easy for him, and he didn't know how. So maybe, it really is just time. Time is their new enemy, this time effecting just the two of them, and now they're starting to realize it. Maybe this was the end for them. There were so many possibilities, but right now Alex felt like there was nothing else to do.

"Just remember, we can't survive alone. If it weren't for you and Michonne, I would've been just another dead body on the road. We can't survive alone."

He nods at her and chews on his bottom lip, something he always did whenever he was thinking. 

"Daryl?"

"Hm?"

"It doesn't need to be like this." Alex says, turning the horse around. "See you."

"See ya."

Now, he's alone again. And when Alex returns home, she'll be alone too, empty inside without him by her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're hurt like me right now don't blame me, blame Alex and Daryl!!


	5. As We Go On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finds out some major shit...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "But in the cold morning light I see, that you won't be back for me...The wound you left is healing and then It starts itching and I scratch it open again.."
> 
> cold morning light - todd rundgren

A month later.

You would think with everyone's luck in all the communities, there would be some kind of threat a new threat. But for the past three years since Rick, the only issues that lingered were hoards of walkers miles away and the tension between communities. 

Alex hadn't been outside the walls for a long time. Maybe it was stupid, but after being with Michonne and Daryl for months searching, the hope inside her, inside everyone had slowly began to fade away. And even what had happened between her and Daryl, she didn't want to risk seeing him again. It hurt her too much, although she did understand why he didn't want to come back, she thought he had to be scared. Scared of moving on, angry about Negan still, and broken from Rick's death. 

She had never felt this weak before. Years ago, she thought time is what she needed, what everyone needed. But it was finally established that time was the problem, she was the problem. Or at least that's what it felt like. 

Alex thought that after speaking with Daryl, she'd get closure. Especially with Rosita and Michonne's conversations, things sounded like they would be resolved.

Instead, it just opened up the wound she was trying to close. 

Before she leaves her house, she throws on her jacket and grabs her knife and gun, placing it in on her hip. Ready for the day, she opens her door. 

Alex jumps back in surprise, Elijah stands there as if he was just about to open the door. 

"Hey."

"Elijah, hi..." she furrows her brows. "What's up?"

"Can we talk?" 

Alex shrugs her shoulders and waits for him to talk. 

"After we left things that morning, I just want you to know that I could wait for you. That I like you, and I like you. You're a good woman, and you deserve to live better." 

"Elijah, I don't think that's a good idea..."

"You won't give us a shot?" He asks.

"Awhile ago I thought maybe it could be possible. For me to move on. But now? I don't think I feel that way for you. I just can't be that woman for you." 

Alex takes a step outside her door, sitting down on the step below her as Elijah followed her movements. 

"I was thinking, a year ago when you came here. We became friends so quick, and it was selfish of me to just act on fucking lust. I guess you could call it that." She scoffs. "I don't know why, but I just threw myself at you." 

"It's because you missed him. Missed the human contact." 

She nods. 

"That's alright." He bumps into her shoulder. "We all make mistakes." 

"I want you to know that I'm sorry. I led you on, hurting you in the process." She says. "It wasn't nice of me."

"Are we kids?"

Alex laughs, "Feels like we are. But, Elijah I'm serious. I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way. I can't-"

"I know," he nods his head. "It's Daryl. That's where your heart belongs, and that's okay."

"It's not stupid? Even when he's not here?"

"Nah, it's not. I know what it's like to be in love, have your heart hurt."

"I'm sorry. I'll just always love him."

"Yeah, me too." Elijah stands up from her stoop. "You'll always be in love with that guy, and that's alright."

"Wait," Alex says. "It's okay to be friends, right?"

"I thought we already were." 

They smile at each other, Alex waves as he walks away. She stands up to turn around to go back inside, but she then gets a called to the front gates. It was just another normal day for Alexandria now. People working and developing the community, as Alex looked over things. So, the calls over the radio were normal, unless people on the other side were panicking. This time, there voices were calm. 

As she approaches, the gates open revealing someone jumping off a horse. She notices that long jacket anywhere. He's here and she can't believe it - it's been too long. 

"Jesus, hey!" Alex runs towards the gate and waits for him to walk in. 

He walks to her, opening his arms as he brightly smiles. 

"Alex, I've missed you." 

He embraces her, squeezing her tight as he lifts her body off the ground just the slightest. 

Alex finally lets out an actual laugh, something she hasn't done in a long time. 

"You don't come to hilltop anymore," Jesus lets go, "so, I thought I'd make the visit. And well because, Michonne and Rosita were a bit worried for you." 

"Are you serious?"

"Very. Listen, do know that I've been meaning to come here on my own, so it's a win win for everyone."

"How nice." Alex shakes her head as she smiles. 

"Come on, let's go." 

"Where exactly are we going?"

"Just thought we'd leave Alexandria for the day." He smirks as he turns on his heels and walks back to his horse. "Let's go!" 

Jesus thought it would be a good idea to get back to Alexandria, get Alex outside the walls and back where she needs to be for awhile. Michonne thought it was good to call a familiar face, even though the communities were going through some things. They didn't think Alex was weak, or losing who she was -- they just wanted to make sure she would get better, heal and move on. 

And now here they were, standing in the woods not too far from Alexandria. Their jackets off, as they walk around in circles as if they were in a boxing ring. Just like the old days, these two practicing their moves on each other, but Jesus schooling her on his own game. 

"Come on!" Jesus shouts, as he throws a punch. "What, did you forget my advice from the last time?" 

Alex ducks down, then rises up again. "Dude, it's been years. Besides, been through hell and back since then."

She kicks with her right leg, hitting his knee. He doesn't budge. Instead, he punches again barely missing her shoulder. 

"Ah, so you did forget?" 

Alex laughs, rolling her eyes as she gets ready to charge at him. Before she could, she sees a few walkers coming their way. 

"Shit, behind you." 

Jesus looks behind him and quickly grabs his knife. Alex interrupts his movements, placing her hand on his. She takes out the knife, the one that used to be Daryl's, and walks ahead of him.

"You sure you got this?" 

"I'll be fine!"

Alex charges for the first walker, her hands grabbing its neck and throwing it to the ground. She stomps on its head. There's two more in front of them and she jumps over the one she killed, raising her hand with the knife. Before she takes care of it, there's another walker appearing at her side. 

"Shit!"

"Alex, there's more!" 

Jesus begins running towards her and the walkers, swiftly killing two in the process. Alex can't get out of the grasp of the walker, as she tries to kill the other one in front of her. Using her leg, she kicks out at the one and then forces her elbow backwards to get the walker to fall. 

As she's free of the nasty hand, she lifts up her arm once again and drives the knife into the walker that starts to walk back to her. 

It falls to the ground, and she glances at Jesus who's killing the next few that surrounds him. Alex remembers the one behind her, and she turns around to see it on the ground, struggling to stand back up. She bends over and stabs it in the neck, blood spraying all over her face. 

Alex stands back up, her balance failing her as she trots a few steps backwards. 

"You need to get back out here." Jesus suggests, out of breath. "When I first met you and everyone, you were all afraid of losing your strength. Losing the ability to fight what's beyond our walls." 

"I won't lose it." She breathes, her throat getting tingly as she spoke. 

Alex's heart begins to pound, the smell of blood from the walker starts to bother her. 

"Alex, you will if you haven't been keeping up with things." 

"I have-"

"That's not what Rosita or Michonne told me. Listen, we just need to get you back out here. Start going out on runs again, visit Hilltop again. Start doing things with me. I'm here for you." 

Alex starts to chew on on the inside of her cheek, looking down as he spoke. 

"What's going on Alex?" He crosses his arms and shrugs his shoulders.

"What?"

"It's just..I know things haven't been easy for a long time. And I do know you're not talking to anyone about thing's we've seen, things we've been through." 

Alex stares at him, her eyebrows pulling in dejection. Shit. She knows what this is now, and now she can't fight back the tears that are forming in her eyes. 

"The last time Daryl and I have been apart, was back when we lost where I first met him. The prison we've told you about? Before you found us, everyone held onto each other, we made sure to never let anyone or anything come between this family - we let it happen with Negan. Things changed the moment we got involved."

She takes a step back, sniffing as she starts to cry. Her head begins to spin as her breathing picks up. Her stomach starts to churn and she doesn't even think about anything else but Daryl and how hurt she is from him, and the pain inside her body. The smell starts bothering her some more, so she uses her hand to try and wipe away the blood. 

"I don't...I don't know how to deal with that. To just move on?" 

"Change isn't easy. It's not meant to be all good either. Neither is moving on, but you have so many people that care about you, Alex. You can't go through things alone." 

"It's hard." 

"Alex, you need to relax." Jesus steps forward. "I'm here, we're all here for each other."

"He's not." 

"I know... but that's his choice." 

"I don't feel right."

"We can all help you."

"No, no." Alex raises her hand to get him to stop walking to her. "Jesus, I think-"

She holds her throat as she tries to gasp for air. 

"Woah, Alex?" Jesus runs to her as she hunches over. 

Alex turns around, a tingling sensation on both sides of her face makes her stomach flip. She tries to gasp, until fluids just pour out of her mouth. She begins to shake as she vomits by the tree. 

"Alex!" 

"Stay away, I could be fucking sick or something."

"Okay, no." He scoffs. "Let me just take you back, alright? Get you looked at." 

Alex rolls her eyes, but accepts the hand that reaches out to her. He holds her side as they walk back to Alexandria. 

The moment they reach the gates, they open, some people on guard start shouting for someone. Once Alex picks her head up, she sees Siddiq running, along with Rosita and Michonne coming from behind him. But her eyes begin to shut, her body giving out as her grasp on Jesus loosens. And suddenly, she's falling to the ground -- unsure if someone had caught her before she hit the ground. 

She wakes up on a bed. Her eyes flutter open, first seeing the dark room. She knows shes here at home, but in the 'hospital' of Alexandria.

"You're up." Rosita turns the lights on. 

"I think I'm sick." Alex says. 

"Jesus told us you threw up." Siddiq enters, his arms filled with some medical supplies. 

"I've been feeling sick for a few days. I thought maybe it would be over soon. Fuck."

"What?"

"Back at...this prison Rick and I, everyone was, there was a virus. Shit, I think maybe this is what it is."

Siddiq sets down all of the supplies, and looks at her as he approaches the bed. 

"I don't think it's a virus, Alex. The symptoms, throwing up and feeling dizzy?"

"Yeah."

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but are you still menstruating?"

Alex bites her lip, feeling a bit awkward, but shakes her head. "Yeah..."

"Recently?" Siddiq turns around to grab the plastic little cup and a box. 

"Mhm."

"Siddiq... do you think?" Rosita asks, as she taps on his shoulder. 

"It could be possible, but it might not be if she can't. Alex? Do you know if you're able to have kids?" 

Alex lets out a breath, her eyes widen.

"I'm not sure. Along time ago, I thought I couldn't."

"So, never got an actual medical answer?" Rosita asks, as she sits on the chair on the side of the medical bed.

"Not at all. I just assumed that once I couldn't get pregnant after a while I just self diagnosed myself."

"Why?" Siddiq asks.

"Because, before I could even see a damn doctor, all of our lives changed. Turned into this shit." 

He nods, handing her the cup and box, shrugging. 

"Just to be sure, alright?" 

Alex starts to grab the stuff, until she puts her hands back in her lap, looking away. 

"Hey," Rosita leans over, resting her hands on top of Alex's and squeezing. "I'm right here, we'll do this together." 

Minutes go by as Rosita and Siddiq wait for Alex to return from the bathroom. She sits on the sink, waiting for the result of the test. Her thighs keep shaking, as her mind races. She jumps down from the sink, grabbing the test and walking back inside the room. The two of them look at Alex, waiting for the results. She walks over back to the bed and sighs. 

"I can't look, I don't wanna know." Alex sits back down, handing the test to Rosita. 

"Okay, okay. I'll look," Rosita stands, "but, I'm going to let you know. You have to."

Rosita grabs her hand, sighing as she turns the test over. 

"What?" Alex tilts her head, eyebrows raised as she chews on her bottom lip. Her legs are shaking again, her eyes searching for Rosita's. 

"Alex." Her head raises, nodding slowly as her lips curl up the slightest, barely an actual smile. Siddiq leans over, grabbing the test and nods his head. He tries to pass it over to Alex, but she raises her hand, denying the notion. 

"So? It's true then?" Alex asks. 

"Yeah, it's positive." Siddiq answers. "We'll do some more, just to be sure. " 

After a few moments of silence, and Alex trying to process how the fuck this has happened and why now. After all these years, after everything, why now? 

"Who...?" 

Siddiq grabs Rosita by the wrist, "That shouldn't matter right now." 

"It's fine." Alex says. "I think it kinda does. Elijah...Daryl."

"So you won't know until..."

"Yeah."

"But you need to think about, you know.." Siddiq tries to explain.

"You're a doctor and can't even explain to her the safety of condoms?" Rosita chuckles.

"I'm trying to be polite," Siddiq smiles. "Besides, I don't think she wants to talk about who and how she's done it with."

"Hi, right here." Alex nods her head. "It's fine.. Weeks ago, probably a month or so, Elijah came over and spent the night."

"Condom?" Rosita asks.

I nod my head, "Everything was fine, I even used the bathroom afterwards."

"And when you saw Daryl?"

"It was a spur in the moment thing."

Silence fills the room, and looks are exchanged between Rosita and Siddiq. Just slightly, their mouths lift up into smirks and then glance at Alex, who stares down at the floor. She starts to feel like a damn teenager again, explaining to her parents that she had sex and did everything right. Well, almost right.

"Um, Lex?" Rosita asks. "You didn't happen to have one on you that night you saw him?"

"Sex wasn't the first thing on my mind when I visited him."

Rosita stares at her, waiting for her to catch on. She places her hand on her hips, her eyes go wide as she figures it out.

"Oh fuck." Alex stands up and begins pacing back and forth. Her heart begins to ache as her mind races with so many thoughts, so many questions. 

"What the fuck do I do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEEEEE!!! lmao so many people have been asking and implying that Alex will be pregnant, ever since the first book. and I always knew that this story would be a trilogy and that Alex would be pregnant in the very last book! so, i've been keeping that secret! yay <3 
> 
> any predictions???!!!


	6. Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl is worried Alex might be seriously sick...but ends up finding something out accidentally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (holy fuck. 4.1k words. enjoy this!)
> 
> "Those chills that I knew, they were nothing without you. And everyone else, they don't matter now. You're the one I can't lose."  
> Like You Do - Joji

Days have passed since Alex found out news she would've never thought she would receive. It was beginning to feel like a never ending dream, almost a twisted nightmare. She was pregnant with the child of someone she loves endlessly, with the person who isn't here and will never want to be here.

Alex was lucky to know that Rosita would be there for her. Siddiq and Michonne too. But of course, she was still alone. Nights since she took the test, were spent alone filled with thoughts and scenarios that wouldn't end. What if's were non-stop, almost turned into dreams the more she fell asleep, wondering if he'd ever come home to her.

For the leader of Alexandria, among the others on the council, she was beginning to feel guilty that she hasn't been doing much. Although, Alexandria seemed to be thriving and quiet from any chaos, there was still some things that needed fixing, or to keep on building. But the council and everyone had seem to get the hang of it. But Alex was beginning to feel useless, being on the council. Maybe it was the threats of others and big hoards of walkers that made her feel like being a leader, or maybe it was just a way to honor Rick. But she needed to do something other than moping around.

Majority of her time alone outside, Rosita or Elijah would join her once or twice. But she told them she needed to be alone.

This was beginning to spark something in her. What Jesus had told her, that she needs to get back out there and not lose who she was. At first she thought him and everyone else was just over analyzing her every move. But once she started to notice herself losing the leadership abilities she had grown to have through Rick, she took it upon herself to go out there alone.

One night, Alex had returned back from walking around the community from the other side, checking every corner and occasionally killing a walker or two, to make sure it was safe. It was getting darker out, the moon had lingered in the sky hiding between some clouds.

Instead of going to her home and being alone with her thoughts about the pregnancy or of Daryl, she turned to Michonne instead, yearning for friend who knew all about motherhood.

"Michonne."

"Is everything alright?" She takes a step back, opening the door for Alex to walk in.

"Sorry, I know the kids are about to sleep... I have something I want to talk about with you. And then see them if that's alright?"

Michonne leads her to the living room. Alex sits down, silence follows as she tries to figure out her thoughts for a moment. She's not sure how to address her thoughts to her, or even make sense of things. She guessed she just needed to let everything out, all her thoughts.

"How do you do it? How do you..be a mom?"

Michonne let out a quiet laugh and tilted her head.

"I may have had some experience before. But it just comes naturally, you'll see along down the line. Are you okay?"

"I'm just scared that I won't be a good mom. I think I'm more nervous than anything else, because I don't want to be alone doing it."

"I didn't do it alone." Michonne rests her elbows on her knees, leaning forward. "I had you, I had this family. Everyone here in Alexandria. Without Rick, it was tough at times. RJ won't know him, Judith barely has that memory of him. Daryl's still here, and you need to tell him eventually. Because maybe you won't have to do it alone. Even if he gets scared, he needs to know that we are all there for him too.

"But you're not alone. Ever. And if you feel like that, at anytime, you have me.

Alex inhales and then exhales a shaky breath, as she plays with her fingers.

"I don't think I can tell him yet. I feel like I'm not in the right place."

"You'll have to tell him. Eventually this stomach is gonna grow some more and one day he'll come visit and notice."

Moments later, Michonne had told Judith and RJ that she had to do something and that Alex would be the one to put them to bed. They were both pleased to see their aunt, because they loved when she would babysit them and play games like always. The two of them were both old enough to not need so much guidance, except for RJ because he barely spoke. But, Alex thought this was experience she needed and all that she had. And the same went with her godson, Hershel Jr.

Alex somewhat knew that she would maybe be alright when becoming a mom. But this was so different, she was having a kid of her own and not being a aunt or a godmother. This was going to be her own baby, and she was nervous.

She tucks Judith into her bed, throwing the blanket over her head only to hear the sounds of Judith laughing uncontrollably. Alex takes the blanket off her head and smiles as she wraps her in the blanket, getting her ready for bed.

"Good night, Jude." Alex places a kiss to her forehead, leaving Judith to chuckle.

"Night Alex." She smiles. "And night to the baby too."

She feels Judith's little hand pat her on the stomach, giggling at Alex.

"The baby in there needs time to grow." She explains, getting up from the bed to shut her light and walk to the door. "But mom will tell you more about that another time."

"When's Uncle Daryl coming back?"

Alex pauses at the door, letting out a sigh.

"I'm sure he'll come around soon."

"I hope so. I miss him, and I'm sure you miss him too."

"Yeah." Alex bites her lip. "I do. Goodnight Judith."

Alex walks away, shutting the door and taking a deep breath before turning around and walking down the steps. But before she does, she notices Michonne smiling from the banister. Alex nods her head backwards, asking her if she heard that. Michonne nods, and reaches out for her hand.

"I did, and for the record I guess I'm going to have that talk with her soon."

They share a laugh, and walk down the stairs together. Alex reaches the front door, pulling her sweater over her shoulders and opening the door.

"I'm sure we'll see him soon." Michonne says. "It's not just you that misses him. There's Judith and RJ, me. He just needs to know that."

"I'm sure he knows that, I told him everything."

"Not everything." Michonne smiles as she looks down at Alex's stomach. "I think that baby will bring some hope and a good change for you. Him too."

"I was thinking it was a miracle," Alex laughs. "Maybe it is." 

4 months later

For the past few months, Alex was running around outside the community walls. She knew eventually that she'd have to stop. But when she was keeping busy, she had made sure not to let anything get in her way. She had no clue what she was doing or what she was looking for beyond the walls. Neither did anyone else.

Between going out every other day and then showing back up at home, she somehow managed to find some more supplies for Alexandria. Whether it was clothes, or food, it was something. It really got to her, the way Jesus and everyone knew she wasn't herself. When walkers would come around, or she'd take a wrong turn, Alex would jump at the opportunity to take her knife out and fight back. So, she pushed herself to be who she was again.

Her stomach had grown much bigger, of course. It had to. She started to feel much different, more closed off than ever before. Despite the baby inside of her, something she still can't come to terms with that it's real, she felt empty. Why did this need to happen now?

For some selfish reason, she wondered what if this happened years ago instead? For when Daryl was still around, and things were better before they turned worse.

Months have passed, and she kept to herself. Only Rosita and Siddiq knew, as well as Michonne and a few other Alexandria officials knew. She scolded the rest of the officials, including Gabriel, telling them if this gets out, if Daryl finds out without her telling him, she will rage. But Siddiq apologized after, telling everyone it was just the hormones.

Rosita said otherwise.

Alex wanted to keep working, but Michonne said that stress and over working wouldn't be good, especially since her stomach was showing the most more than ever. Rosita had stood by her side as well, making sure she was doing okay when she was home. At three months pregnant, she had moved in with Alex for a few, to ensure she was keeping up with her medicine and actually eating.

This was all because the emptiness that Alex began to feel, others started to notice a lot more. She wasn't herself, and people knew Daryl had to be the reason why. But it went deeper than just a man she loved. The amount of changes in all these years, it had kept going while she was stuck behind.

And it didn't feel right.

There hadn't been a visit from Daryl since the last time he showed up. On one hand, Alex was okay about it. But on the other, she was still so hurt. And the pregnancy? Just made things more complicated. If she told him, she feared that maybe he would think she did this to get him back in her life, but then she also feared this wouldn't even change a damn thing.

Winter was coming to an end, the ice was melting more and the snow was almost gone. Spring was about to pop out, and so was Alex's baby in a few more months in the worst possible season ever - summer. But she wasn't going to thing about that now, she was too nervous for other things than birth.

Although everyone knew about Alex, which was very noticeable no thanks to her constant touching and holding of her stomach, she pretended as if no one knew. She hated that people started to treat her different, including Rosita.

A while back, when Elijah and her established their friendship, and nothing more, he still stuck around. She liked their friendship, but it was too weird to still know he had held feelings for her inside of him. It not only made her feel bad for him, but it made her feel guilty about leading him on and constantly using him.

The two of them were sitting on her stoop, sharing conversations -- more like gossip, about the communities. It was no secret that there was tension among the leaders and communities, especially with Hilltop and Maggie. Alex didn't like to talk about it, but she did discuss her anger for getting no help from Hilltop sometimes with supplies that were needed.

Not too far from her home, she heard a motorcycle coming from the front gates and froze up.

"You alright?"

"I'm pregnant and hear a damn motorcycle, no I'm not." She mutters without thinking.

"You- you're pregnant?"

She stands up and walks up the steps, then looks down at him. "It's definitely not yours, if that's what you're thinking."

"I was. Thanks for confirming that." Elijah furrows his brows, and smirks. "It's his, yeah?"

"Yep, okay I gotta go."

Alex excuses herself, fast, and runs back inside her home, leaving Elijah outside to process her serious information she had just shared.

She felt bad for that, but she wanted to hideaway, knowing it was Daryl who arrived back at the gates. What was he doing here and why now? As she walks by the living room, she sees Rosita walking around the kitchen probably cooking. Alex sends her a smile before carefully walking up the stairs, clutching her stomach.

When she's inside her room, away from everyone, she pulls off the big jacket and skims through the draw filled with button ups and long sleeves. Then she sees it. An old dark grey button up that was once Daryl's. She holds it in her hands. It's still soft and it still had it's sleeves. She throws it on and then shivers. There's a slight breeze in the room. She looks to her side and notices the window wasn't shut all the way. She walks to the window and shuts it locking it as well, as it was always a habit.

She grabs her sweater off the bed and wraps herself in it, holding her arms against her chest. She walks to the window, only to look down and see Daryl sitting on her steps that once used to be theirs. She closes the window quietly and leaves the room, walking down the steps to her front door.

She sees Rosita snuggled up in a blanket and eating some food. Alex tries to get by, but Rosita glances over.

"I told him to come see you."

"Why?"

"Because, I thought it would be a good idea for you two to talk."

"I am not telling him about it right now."

Rosita rolls her eyes, "I'm not forcing you. But keep in mind, if you're so sure it is his, he should know. Maybe he'll..."

"Maybe he'll what?"

"Maybe he'll realize that this," she waves her hand around, "is and always has been worth it. If I can live here, the place where the man who killed Abe is rotting away, he can too. He's strong and can get through this if he tries. And the best thing you can keep doing, Alex, is trying. It's hard, I know. But we can't get better if we don't try."

Alex looks away at the door, and nods. "Alright."

Rosita smiles behind her, hoping that her best friend will take the advice. She wanted to see her in a better place, in this place where she belongs. She knew Alex could do it, and all she needed was a push and support.

Her hand lingers on the door knob, the cold metal sends shivers down her spine. A tingle by the sides of her

Alex opens the door, revealing Daryl's covered back as he sits on the steps, covered in his colored poncho.

"It's cold." Daryl says.

"Yeah, I don't care." Alex sits down, her sweatpants covered thighs knock right into his as she sits right next to him.

Daryl seems to let out the slightest chuckle, but she's not sure if she hears correctly. He glances at her for a moment, analyzing her blank face and the outfit she's wearing. His heart aches, wanting to slide his arm around her waist and pull her into him. But he doesn't.

"Rosita told me to come."

"I know."

It isn't awkward, but it is silent, not until Alex begins to audibly cry. She blames the hormones, but she also blames her heart and maybe just Daryl as well.

"The last time I saw you," she begins, fighting through the tears, "I told you you didn't need to be living out there. You don't need to be and yet you choose it. I know why, but I just want you to know that it can work. We can make it through it all, and you don't need to be alone. I can't be alone.

I don't want to keep living like this. Feeling stuck in the past, without you. We get the chance to move on and stay right here together. People like Rick, everyone we lost, they don't get that. But we do. Forget about that goddamn man, and stay. At least try. Because that's what I'm doing."

Alex reaches over to grip his hand, and he lets her. He doesn't show his face, instead he hides behind his longer hair. He's beginning to tear up, but he can't show it. It hurts to hear what Alex has said, he can't stand the thought of seeing her scrunched up face and red nose and cheeks as she cries for him.

"Daryl, please." Alex pleads as her hands shake, not from the coldness, but from the panic that begins to rise inside her.

He doesn't move, he just sits there cold and still.

"I've got to tell-"

Alex is interrupted by a pull in her stomach. She stands up, but before she turns around to head inside she feels more movement inside her stomach, it was foreign something she's never felt before. And now, she's worried and freezes up as her face widens in worry.

"Alex-"

Daryl turns around to look up at her, to get her to stay. But he notices something wrong, once he stands up.

"Fuck." Alex curses. "What-"

"Lex, what's wrong?"

Daryl grabs on her arm, but she moves back.

"Rosita." She says. "Now." 

Daryl knocks hard on the door, "Yo!"

Not even a minute later, Rosita flings the door open and grabs onto Alex. Without any other words and Daryl being left confused, they get down the steps and run over to the clinic where Siddiq had to be.

Daryl followed the behind, but gave enough space between them just in case Alex didn't want him there. It wasn't too far fetched since he did hurt her. But he needed to know she was okay. 

Rosita barges through the door, calling out for Siddiq.

"Am I okay? Is the baby alright?" 

She starts to breathe heavily, her mind becoming dizzy as she tries to get herself to sit down on the bed. Rosita guides her as she holds Alex's waist, Siddiq holding her hand, tell her to slowly breathe.

"Lets just look at you, alright? Take it easy, breathe slowly. In and out." Siddiq lets her hand go as she gets on the bed.

Rosita stays by her side, letting Alex squeeze her hand as much as she wants.

"In and out, nicely." She encourages. "You're okay."

"Can you take your sweater off? Lift up her shirt, I need to make sure there is no blood."

"Yeah, got it." Rosita nods, as she helps Alex take her sweater off.

"Oh god, I'm scared."

"Don't worry," Siddiq says, as he takes the sweater and drops it right by her side. He waits for her tee shirt to lift up, the cold not making her want to show her bare, big stomach. Once she does, she closes her eyes and breathes slow like Rosita tells her to. Then, she hears a chuckle when Siddiq places his hand on her stomach.

"What?" Alex opens her eyes. "What's so funny?"

"You don't know this feeling at all," siddiq begins, "it's normal, extremely normal. It's just the baby moving. Everything is okay, here feel." He guides her hand down to the bottom right side of her stomach.

Alex gasps, her hand feeling movement in her stomach, the baby moving inside her kicking against her skin. She lets out a pathetic laugh, a scoff almost. It was the baby moving inside of her and she had no idea. 

"There doesn't seem to be anything wrong. Everything you described was just the baby moving. They're a kicker for sure." Siddiq laughs.

"Baby?"

Her head snaps up towards the door, as does everyone else as they see Daryl leaning against the door, staring at Alex's bare stomach.

"You're pregnant?" He barely speaks, his voice low.

"We're gonna leave you two..." Siddiq says, as Rosita and him look at each other and backing away. Rosita pats her hand once and smiles at Alex, then leaving her alone with Daryl.

Alex pulls down her shirts and stands up from sitting on the bed. She avoids his eyes, biting on her lip to focus on something else other than the truth, the moment she's been dreading for the longest.

"How long have you known?"

"It's been four months maybe." Alex looks down at her stomach. "I want you to know-"

"Is it mine?" He mumbles. "Need to ask. It's been known that guy and you, you know."

She bites her lip, nervous for his reaction, and even for what's to come not just in the moment, for the future. For what will happen in the new few minutes. Alex nods her head, still not looking up from her stomach. The room is quiet, only the sounds of the wind from outside can be heard. They stand there, just inches apart since she last time she saw him.

How did he even know about Elijah? Oh. Oh. Of course he knew — Rosita, someone must've told him, especially since he's been checking in on her discreetly to make sure she was okay all these years without him.

"Months ago I wasn't sure," alex begins, "I sat here in this room with Siddiq and Rosita and they kinda helped me figure it all out."

He stood silent, still standing at the door leaning against the frame. He watched her, noticed her shiver as she tried speaking through the cold that had sneaked its way inside.

He stepped through the doorway and shut the door, but leaned against it. She knew he wasn't going to speak just yet, so she continued.

"It's yours, it has to be."

She stares down at her stomach, biting her lip so she wouldn't cry. It was the hormones, or her being so sad these past months and years and everything building up finally falling down.

Daryl really couldn't believe, wondering if spending too much time out living in the woods that his eyes were deceiving him. He sees her hand reach for him, wanting him to join her by the bed that she's resting her behind on, taking weight off her feet.

He walks slow, but looks down at her covered stomach, the tee shirt she was wearing was fitting tightly around the round belly.

"How are you so sure?"

She takes a hold of his hand, and gently placed it on her. His hand is cold but she doesn't care.

"That night I came to you, things just happened, right?"

He nods at her.

"We didn't plan that, we didn't use anything. And weeks before that, Elijah and I used protection. Listen, I know you don't want to hear about him, or hear about what I was doing...but believe me when I say there's not a doubt in my mind that it isn't yours."

He chews on his lip, definitely to keep himself from crying. It's what he always does. His head nods as he places his other hand on her stomach, turning closer into her body.

"All my life I didn't think I could have a baby. You know I'm not religious either, but I can't help feel like maybe this is a sign. After all these years, spending them alone. We wasted so much together, and I'm thinking that we deserve to move on.

There was that time where you said there was no settling down. But look at everyone now, look at us, Daryl. We can have that now, we deserve it. I'm trying here, and I need you here. It's up to you to try."

That night, Alex lay on her side on the bed snuggling into a quilted blanket. Her hands rest on her on top of stomach, her heart too busy fluttering to fall asleep as she thinks about the baby inside of her. She still can't believe he found out this way, and she still can't even fathom that time went by so quick and she can see her stomach stretched out.

She hears the door open, footsteps turning hard to soft as she hears him take off his boots. He sinks down onto the bed, thinking she's asleep already after spending minutes downstairs talking with Rosita.

Alex feels his arm wrap around her waist, his hand placing it right at her stomach, gently rubbing his hand back and forth in soft motions. He wasn't so sure how this goes, or how it will go. But he's not so sure he can ever let Alex go ever again. He can't let time go by this far again, and not when he's going to be a father. And not wanting Alex to do this alone.

"I'll try."

Alex smiles to herself, releasing a sigh she's been holding in for the past few minutes. Her hand immediately falls down, resting right on top of Daryl's as she squeezes them, holding their hands there together. The tears quietly pour out from the both of them, but she's too scared to move around and face him.

Instead, they spend the night together as she's tucked away in his arms and her bump staying warm from their hands. It was finally beginning to feel better, but Alex knew there was going to be some more things to figure out than just her pregnancy. 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so that was a long chapter and I REALLY hoped you all enjoyed it :) just curious, where do you guys think this story is going to go? heres some hints: angst, angst, fluffy reunion and a whole lotta angst and action coming!


	7. Desolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She truly can't believe she's pregnant. Alex visits Hilltop, but not before everyone is concerned for her...including Daryl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I promised myself this chapter would be a short one, but look what happened... 3.1k words!)
> 
> "All gone is here today, finding room to breathe. Go on beyond your way and see.   
> And though the sounds of someday, may be home"  
> Sounds of Someday - Radio Company (jensen ackles.....!!! my love.)

The next morning Alex was awoken by the movement of the baby kicking against her stomach, yet again. She groaned at the feeling, just wanting to sleep longer than she had been. But what she didn't know is that she had overslept and Rosita hadn't woken her for the day. Rolling over on her back she opens her eyes and sighs into a yawn.

Alex turns her head and finds the bed empty like she has been for the past couple of years. For a moment she starts to believe the Daryl was just a dream last night as he wasn't beside her in the bed anymore. She throws of the blanket quick and slides off the bed to trot over to her clothes and shoes. After putting on her clothes and leaving her room she heads downstairs, running into Rosita at the front door.

"Did he leave?"

"I don't think so. Could be with the kids while Michonne's with Gabriel." She shrugs.

"Are they having a meeting?"

"Maybe? Gabriel didn't say much, but the front gates are going to break any second now. Maybe they're at the church." Rosita explains. "Are you alright?"

"I don't think I am."

"Need to talk?"

Alex sighs and steps toward the door as her hand lingers by the knob and the other holding her stomach, looking at Rosita with exhaustion.

"I'm done talking about how sad and alone I've been. To everyone, to myself...Daryl. He-I need him to stay and really try to understand what I've been going through, because I sure as hell understand everything he's been through. And I get it, I fucking hate Negan too. But the people who we loved our family that are gone, they would want us to move on already."

Rosita nods her head and grabs her hand giving it a tight squeeze.

She pulls Alex in for a hug and whispers, "He has to understand... but he's so damn stubborn. "You need to find him and tell him everything."

"Yeah, I guess I do."

Alex walks across Alexandria and makes her way to the newly built wooden building for where Gabriel, herself and the rest of the council had been holding meetings. She had hoped that just because she was pregnant and distant from people, unintentionally, that they wouldn't be holding meetings without her.

Once she walked through the doors she was relieved to see just two people sitting down at the table and no meeting taking place.Michonne's head turns once the doors close behind Alex, who's walking towards her and Gabriel with her shoulders slouched and hair tucked to the side in a braid.

"How are you today?" Gabriel asks as he smiles.

"I'm alright," alex answers flatly as she makes it to the table and drops her hand on it to rest."But the front gates aren't doing so well."

"Yeah, I had planned on discussing this in our next meeting but I'm not so sure it could wait any longer."

"You're right. Which is why I'm going to Hilltop in a few. Won't be back until tomorrow and I wanted to let you both know."

"I'm sorry Alex, but you're leaving?" Gabriel questions as he stands up from the chair. "I don't think you're in the-"

"Condition?" Alex raises her brows, "Thanks for that."

"Alex, seriously I think you need to stay home. It's not safe." Michonne speaks. "And Daryl is still here, I don't think running away from that will do you any good."

"Running away? Is that what you think this is? Our gates are breaking and I need to speak to Maggie and get her to understand we need to move on from everything. We need their help and if we extend our hand, maybe everything will change."

"Again, I apologize Alex." Gabriel takes a step forward from around the table. "I want and need to protect everyone here and that includes you always."

"I will go with you." Michonne pleads. 

"I don't need help from everyone!" Alex shouts, then lets out a sigh as she takes a moment before speaking. "Look, I appreciate everyone looking out for me all these years and now. But I'm sick of all the sympathy just because I'm now pregnant. That's exactly why I need to get away for just one day."

"Look, all I'm saying is if you're out there alone pregnant or not, there could be others out there. People we don't know, herds of walkers. Alex Of course it's about your pregnancy too, you're our family that baby in there is our future and they deserve life, just like you. You go out there now and you risk that."

"Are you kidding me right now?" Alex scoffs. "'Chonne, you spent your entire time outside of walls without protection. Don't even start, please."

"I wasn't alone. I can't lose- we can't lose more people."

"I will be okay." She shrugs and shakes her head as she takes a few step backwards away from Michonne and Gabriel, heading towards the door with determination to get on a damn horse and beyond the gates of Alexandria.

"You're not leaving."

She hears a voice coming from behind her, a familiar and low voice echoing the council room. Michonne and Gabriel nod there hands towards Alex. It makes her groan, rolling her eyes as if she was a teenage girl again listening to her parents bicker.

"You're pregnant."

"Why is everyone treating me like I'm so fragile? Like I'm not even on this damn council anymore?"

Alex shrugs her shoulders as she raises her arms in the air like she was giving up. She stares at Daryl in disbelief. Michonne and Gabriel excuse themselves from the room leaving the two parents to be alone to discuss things in private. Michonne ultimately knew that Alex wasn't going to back down, not anymore.

She watches them leave and sighs once the doors close. Her eyes avert right back to Daryl and shakes her head with a lingering frown, biting her lips to make sure she doesn't let it show but Daryl catches onto it.

"I know you hate me right now and for a long time now. But you're carrying our child and I can't risk losing them and I sure as hell can't risk losing you."

Alex stares at him trying to figure out how he's suddenly fighting for her now. Although the sentiment is so reassuring to hear, she can't help to feel disappointed -- anger rising in her chest as her mind starts racing.

"I don't hate you, I love you. My love for you never withered away and it never will. I've always wanted this and I was here this entire time. But it was you that decided to leave, it was you who lost me. You can't tell me this and expect me to stay hidden away from reality just because I have a baby on the way.

He's biting his lip as he mutters, "I get it, you're mad--"

"I'm angry, Daryl." She interrupts. "I was there for you when Rick died. I was home waiting for the day you'd suck it up and come back, but you didn't. We've wasted all these years and our lives are so fucking short and we've been wasting it away for what, to be stuck in the past? To be alone and sulk into depression?"

Daryl doesn't interrupt as he lets her speak and take time to let everything she's been holding in, all out. It's what he thinks he can do to start making things better.

"Because that's exactly what I did and I didn't do it by choice. You decided that for yourself. I'm so passed feeling sad all the time and everyone's telling me I'm not alone and asking me if I'm okay. But guess what, Daryl? I'm not and I don't think I'll ever be just okay. I don't think I'll ever be if you don't try and not because of the baby, but because of me."

Alex sits down, her body beginning to feel weak as her feet are pounding. 

"Look, I don't know know what else to do," she sighs. "I'm willing to always forgive you, to give you a chance because you're the father of this baby and I can't do it without you. And I'm not telling you all of this for you to be guilty. I just need you to understand all this pain and this frustration inside of me that's been building up all this because of you staying away. I'm asking you to face everything and move on."

Daryl takes a few steps forward and crouches down in front of her, a hand rests on the side of her stomach and the other on her hand kissing it gently.

"I'm sorry." He shakes his head as his shoulders shake. "I didn't know how to... I'm sorry."

Alex tilts her head up the tiniest bit just to focus on his eyes as he holds onto her thighs in front of her. She would've never thought she'd hear these words from him or even an attempt at working things out. It made her heart skip and hurt at the same time.

"If you really mean it," she lifts her hand to hold his jaw in her hands, using a thumb to wipe away a tear that escaped his eye. "you will let me leave Alexandria."

"Lex..."

Alex bites her lip to keep her from slightly smiling at the nickname she's missed.

"I will be fine. Besides," she stands up, "I'm going straight to Hilltop no more than just one day."

"I'll go with you."

"I need to do this on my own."

"You'll be back? Tomorrow."

"I will and when I come back we'll figure things out together. No more running away, okay?"

-

The gates had opened for Alex without a problem. When she had arrived there were two guards waiting inside for her horse and to help her down. She started to think that Daryl got in touch with Maggie to let her know.

One of the guards had took her hand and carefully helped her down and she thanked them for it as she began to walk along the walls.

"Tell Maggie I'll see her in a moment. I have to do something."

"You got it. Just be as quick as you can? She's got some things to take care of."

Alex nods her head and furrows her brows as she turns around and makes her way to the cemetery of Hilltop. As she approaches it, hidden by tall green bushes and some wall, she looks around and sees brown faded grass. She's takes a breath before walking to the familiar plot and clutches her stomach, carefully sitting down on her knees.

"Can you believe it?" She says to the ground as if he's still here. "I can't either. I didn't think it could ever happen but then again I didn't think a lot of things could happen."

Alex rolls her eyes in annoyance. She hadn't been here in so long and she wasn't so sure if this is what compelled to her come to Hilltop. Her fingers start to play with the dead grass picking some up out of the ground and throwing them back down to pick some more as she dwells on everything that's happening.

"I've apologized so many times before in hopes that you know. I'm sorry I haven't been here as much as I want to be. Here, with your son and Maggie. Things are beyond complicated but I'm trying to make it better. I always thought your kid would bring everyone together, but it wasn't enough. 

To be honest I'm not sure nothing can bring everyone back together. These fairs we've held at this place, the Kingdom, it does bring us all together. But not in the way Rick would've wanted, how I want them. You'd want us to move on from what happened, wouldn't you?"

Alex groans as she feels the baby kick her a few times, putting a pause on talking to Glenn. She laughs and closes her eyes in disbelief that this is really happening to her and that maybe good things can happen.

"Daryl's gonna be a dad, me a mom. Who would've thought that, right?" She laughs. "I miss you, I really do. Thing's might've been different if you were still here, but maybe they would still be like this but the roles reversed. I understand Maggie's pain and Daryl's but there comes a time where we need peace within ourselves for ourselves.

"I'm so tired of feeling down all the time and don't think I can keep this anger inside me and at everyone anymore. I just...I don't know what I'm doing anymore," she whispers to herself.

"Alex?"

Her head nods off to the left and looks up to see Jesus standing from afar. She smiles at him and reaches for his hand needing some help off the ground. He chuckles and walks over to lift her up from the ground and engulfed her with a hug.

"Hey."

"Hi." Alex softly says, pulling away from the hug.

"I was told you came here alone." 

"What are you gonna scold me too, now?"

"Just the opposite," he laughs, "listen I'm glad you're here. I told you months ago that this is what you needed."

"Even if I am about five months pregnant now?"

"Well I'm sure that wasn't ideal but yes. We all need each other and I for one am more than happy to help with anything that Alexandria needs."

"I wish everyone felt that way." Alex smirks as she scoffs. "Is she waiting?"

"Yeah come on. Let's get you some tea too, it's getting really cold. Snow is coming soon too."

Alex walks next to Jesus as they pass people on their way to the office where Maggie waits. People of hilltop say hi, send congratulations to Alex as she awkwardly smiles at their gestures, unsure of how to appreciate their sentiment. 

"Are you alright?" He asks, as he holds the door for her as she walks in and heads straight for the strairs.

"I don't know."

"I know you get this a lot, but you're really not alone. I'm always gonna be here."

"I know."

Once they reach the top, Jesus opens knocks on the door as he and Alex look at each other patiently waiting. A few seconds later, Maggie opens the door and nods her head and smiles at Alex looking down at her stomach. She touches the top of her stomach and shrugs as Maggie furrows her brows, taking a step forward to hug her briefly.

Jesus nods his head at them and smiles, "I'll see you two a little bit later."

Alex waves at him as he walks away and back down the steps as Maggie holds the door open for her. They walk into the room together as silence takes over.

"I don't mean to pry about it," Maggie begins as she walks over to the desk. "Is Daryl going to be a dad?"

Alex lets out a breathy laugh and nods as she sits down in the chair.

"Yeah...and I'm going to be a mom."

"How's everything?" Maggie sits down behind the desk with her arms crossing over her chest. 

"Things could be better. Listen, I'm not here to talk about everyone's problems or the shit I'm going through."

"Okay."

"Our front gates are weak, some of it's already breaking and we need better structure. Problem is, we're running out of things."

"Why Hilltop?"

Alex holds on to her stomach and places her other hand on Maggie's desk as she leans over.

"Because Hilltop is thriving. Because our communities need this and we need to stick together. It's starting with me...change. Things changed a lot and we need to move on."

"It's not that simple and you know it. I lost Glenn because of that man and he get's to live."

"You call rotting in a jail cell living?" Alex furrows her brows in question.

Maggie stares at her and leans forward placing her arms on the desk, "he's breathing and Glenn is in the ground."

Alex closes her eyes as her hand goes up to hold her forehead in agony, not just because of her pulsing migraine but at the situation that's still yet to be fixed between the people in the communities.

"You talk to me like I don't understand what it's like to have watched someone I know and love, die. You placed blame on Rick, you keep this grudge on me and everyone else who lives in Alexandria.

I've said this Daryl and I'll say it to you but constantly living in the pass isn't going to get you anywhere. It's just gonna keep dragging you and everyone around you, down. I'm not asking for forgiveness in one day. I'm asking for this to be the day when it starts."

Maggie stays silent but she stares with tentative eyes as Alex doesn't flinch away, keeping herself filled with hope for things to be better. All of the things they've went through together would be for nothing if people kept living in the past and holding grudges.

This is where Alex had started to believe that forgiving Daryl is the right thing to do, even if she was way past sad and upset at him. If she wanted Maggie to forgive and move on, if she spoke to Glenn's grave truthfully about change...she's going to have to take her own advice too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so many emotions in this chapter *sobs* who knows - maybe it'll get better...maybe it won't! ;"(
> 
> any ideas for what's to come? we'll be heading to the full 6 years later part from the shows pretty soon!


	8. Ours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet flashback moment between Alex and Daryl from just two months ago in the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry im just still not understanding the coding on here for italics and how to only do certain parts italics or bold...

It was rough for the next few weeks. Alex's stomach got bigger. As she started pushing almost six months pregnant and as much as she enjoyed feeling the kicks of her baby inside her, she wanted it nothing more than to hold what was inside her in her arms. Soon she'd be giving birth and that was such a scary thought not just because it would be her first time but simply because she was scared. As her nerves and anxiety grew like her stomach, the more she became frightened.

It had taken a few days, even weeks for Daryl to get comfortable with the completely slow transition with being in Alexandria again. But he was trying and Alex was trying, and they both saw that as they sought after a life that they were beginning to realize they deserve to live. 

What really made them both realize this was happening, this was their life now, was the day Alex sat alone behind their home outside in the snow. 

Two Months Ago:   
Although it was coldest it's been in years and there was a foot or two of snow, the sun wasn't hiding. It was beaming out on the world, but it wasn't enough to warm anyone up, not even for a second. Alex sat on the very last of the wooden steps that led down to the backyard. Everything was completely covered in snow, and Alex's booted feet settled in the white icy block. 

She didn't hear the door open from behind her, her mind too focused on her stomach and the fact that she was due in just three months or less. She wasn't sure if being a godmother and babysitting kids was enough experience for when she becomes a mom. But then again, was experience what she needed? 

"You know, you should really come inside." Daryl stood on the step behind her, as she sat on the last one looking out at their covered tiny backyard. "I've got a fire on for us. You coming?" 

She didn't answer, but she grinned to herself that he was here. Most days, it felt like it was getting better, while other days it felt like a dream. She notices his thigh comes in contact with hers as he sits down next to her, his arm wrapping around her shoulder. 

"I thought there's a fire on for us?" She asks as she nudges his hand on her shoulder lovingly, before placing a light kiss on the back of his hand. 

He stares at her intently with gentle blue eyes and smirks at her gesture. Alex's face is pale except for her rosy cheeks and nose from the cold. She swears her nose was starting to run, but she'd handle that once she gets inside. 

"What?" 

"Nothin'," He answers. "You just look...really pretty." 

She chuckles, "Even like this? Cold, pregnant and possibly a little sick?" 

"Even like this." He nods, his smile disappearing. "But seriously I need to get you inside, alright? I don't want you getting sick." 

He stands up and takes a step backwards, reaching his arm out for her to take his hand. She turns her head slightly to stare up at him. He tilts his head backwards, silently telling her to come with him. Taking his hand for help to stand up, they slowly walk up the stairs together and walk inside their home. 

Since the day she came back from Hilltop after speaking with Maggie for more supplies in Alexandria for the gate, Daryl hasn't left her side. He was slowly becoming more protective of not only the baby, but of Alex too. And although he knew she could hold her own, it was the thought of becoming a father of a life he created with her. Even though the baby wouldn't be here for months, he wanted to make sure everything was going smoothly for them. 

As they walked inside, Daryl shut and locked the back door as Alex began to take her coat and scarf off, letting it hang on the backside of a chair. Daryl leans down on the ground, carefully helping her out of her boots as she leans on the wall behind her. Once he's finished, Alex lets out a soft gasp as she feels a movement in her stomach. Daryl's head snaps up as his eyebrows furrow in and held onto her leg tighter, getting ready to catch her before and if she fell. 

"Lex?" 

She looks down, but not at him, and brings her hand to the side of her stomach, feeling little pushes and thumps against her. Blinking a few times, she wasn't sure why she had begin to tear up. Perhaps it was because she wasn't here alone experiencing this, or because it was him that was here with her. Not Rosita, not Michonne... but Daryl. This is what it needed to be like, this is what she wanted. 

"I...give me your hand."

Daryl slowly gives it to her, watching her every move as she grabs his wrist and places it right at her stomach. 

"It's the baby." Alex pulls him up from the ground, his body leaning into hers as his hand stays on her stomach, feeling the soft kicking against it. "Ours..."

He was speechless, and it was hitting them both at the same time. Just inside her, there was something they made together. Whether it's a boy or a girl, or whoever the baby wanted to be, it was theirs. Theirs. His eyes stay fixed on her stomach, trying to catch the movement of the baby through her tight sweater. Once he feels another kick, he notices a tiny bump pop out from her stomach and his breath hitches in his throat. He stares into her eyes as she watches his reaction, how his face falters between wanting to cry and wanting to smile as big as he can. 

Her hand stays wrapped around his wrist, the hand that stays on her. Her other finally raises to the side of his face, softly letting her thumb glide over his stubble cheek. He leans into her hand as his other arm wraps around her back that was leaning against the wall. They stare at each other with admiration in silence as the fire crackles and illuminates her face from behind where they're standing. 

"Ours." He nods his head, his voice low and just below a whisper. 

Things haven't been easy, not for a while and maybe not ever. But things are meant to change, except for the love they have for each other. Alex didn't want Daryl in Alexandria and by her side if he was only in it for the baby. She wants him there for her, for them, for their future and to find peace with the way things are now. And with time, he was slowly beginning to get back to her and to everything they shared and were about to share.


	9. Live For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is due at any moment, and Daryl is being very protective. Daryl leaves for a run and returns with a little surprise, and something happens to Alex...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "For many years I wait, for many tears I wait.  
> All this time my thoughts return to you,  
> give my love that is all I can do."  
> I Live For You - George Harrison

"Lex," His voice was taunting, warning her to take it easy.

Alex was grabbing onto the couch in the living room, trying to lift herself up and walk. She was trying to do it alone, but Daryl was refusing for her to go anywhere. And deep down inside no matter how much she refused for help during the nearing months of her pregnancy, she wanted him there every second. No matter how annoyed she was, she found his over protective traits endearing.

"Daryl..." She teases back in hope that he settles back down on the couch. "All I need to do is go to the bathroom! It's right there." She points to the door that is just a few feet away by the stairwell, still leaning against the arm of the couch. He inches towards her on the couch and wraps his arm around her waist, holding on tightly as his chin leans on her shoulder.

"Baby," he whispers after leaving a soft kiss on her shoulder before pulling away. "I just want to be there for you, alright? I'm trying."

But of course, trying wasn't easy. Sometimes his over protectiveness got her angry but deep down inside she loved that he was here and trying to keep her safe.

"I know you are." She places her hand on the side of his face.

"You should be due this month. I need to be here, I can't miss that...I won't."

"You might, Daryl." She rubs his face for a moment, then drops her hand to rest it on her stomach.

"Yeah, but you know I don't want to."

"Do you uh..do you really need to keep leaving though? There's more than enough people to go out on these runs, and these searches for people. I mean...look at how good things are here. For the first time in a long time, there's nothing to worry about. No threats. Not many walkers lately."

Daryl had been back in Alexandria, but it was still hard to be there when Negan was still locked up and alive. He left as many times as he could, even when he was with Alex at home. He took as many jobs on going out for runs as possible, but also made sure that he would never leave Alex alone at night. She understood everything, but of course it made her upset. Alex was worrying that he'd continue to let Negan get to him, that he'd be angry forever with him and for Maggie. She was scared that Daryl would never move on from it, no matter how hard he tried to stay at home in Alexandria and start this life with her.

"I missed out on a lot, Lex." He sighs. "I won't ever stop apologizing for that. Not to just you, but Michonne, the kids everyone here and Hilltop."

"I understand, but...can you just make tomorrow your last run for a while? For me. For us."

For a second, she thinks he's hesitating as he stares into the fire across from them. But it isn't until he turned to her and nodded his head.

"Yeah, I can."

"So, how long will you be gone?"

"Pushing me away already?"

"Daryl..." She smiles. "Not at all."

"A day or two."

"Make it a day."

"I'll try my best." Daryl reaches for her hand and holds it. "Come on, let's get up stairs before you pee your pants."

"Oh come on, don't be gross." She laughs for a few seconds, which turns into minutes and then she squeezes his hand. "Yeah, you know what...you should definitely help me up to the bathroom now."

"Don't be gross." He repeats her words and helps her up, walking her to the stairs as she waddles slowly, Daryl behind her holding her waist as they laugh together trailing up to the room.

\--

Alex spends the next day at home, not only waiting for Daryl to get back but with watching Judith and RJ. She insisted on watching them not only because she loved them, but for practice whereas Michonne protested with the fact that Alex was way too pregnant to be running around with them.

She hears the front door open but doesn't move. She knows if Daryl was back because the sound of his motorcycle that would erupt extremely loud on the street. Sometimes she forgets about the world outside Alexandria, making her home and this life with Daryl slowly feel like it's normal. Listening to the footsteps, she hears them grow louder as Rosita reveals herself tugging off her coat.

"Is Daryl back yet?" Alex throws the blanket off herself and tries sitting up from the couch, as Rosita makes her way inside the home.

"Heard on the walkie that they'll be back soon. Tonight for sure. You alright?"

"I'm good, just some stomach pains but Siddiq said it's normal. I just miss him too."

Rosita walks over and drops down onto the other side of the couch and cuddles under the blanket with Alex.

"You know, I'm really glad you two are hew together. After everything we've all been through, you two deserve everything."

Alex smiles, "Thanks Rose. You know, you do too."

"What?"

"Deserve it. I know we weren't close back then, but I saw how you and Abe were. How things worked out, how they didn't. Now, there's Siddiq and he...he's a good guy."

Rosita waits a moment to answer. She's looking away from Alex until she nudges her foot into her thigh letting out a chuckle.

"We don't have to talk about it. But I just thought you should know you deserve it. And well, he's not that bad looking either."

"You're telling me." Rosita rolls her eyes and sighs, leaning further into the couch.

Later, Michonne joined them in Alex's home and they spent the night making dinner and talking about everything from books they've read, Alexandria, baby names and Alex's jealousy about the wine they're drinking. Out of everyone, these two have become so protective and caring of Alex. And even became close as If they were sisters. She wouldn't trade that for anything, but she did think about how Maggie should be here too.

As they hang around in the kitchen, Daryl makes it back home. Riding in on his motorcycle and driving it down the streets and to the apartment building, he parks it right by the stairs. He walks up and folds his arms to his chest, opening the front door.

"Lex, you up?"

Daryl comes walking through the door to all the lights off except for the kitchen light. He squints his eyes and readjusts the thing he's carrying in his arms. As he kicks the door shut, he walks around the stairs and walks to the back of the house where the kitchen is. As he stands in the dark, he sees Alex at the table with Michonne and Rosita as Judith and RJ play on the floor with a bunch of books and toys.

"Daryl?" Alex voice calls out as she turns her head.

"Hey, I'm here." He says, walking towards the women.

"Daryl! Is that..."

He finally makes it to the table and stands in front of them. He looks back and forth between all three of them as they each react a bit different. Alex's mouth gapes open in surprise as Michonne smiles at the dog and Rosita stands up to meet him.

"A dog?" Alex exclaims, trying to jump out and up from the kitchen chair she sits in. "Are you..where the hell-? I-"

"I found it earlier today. Just a puppy."

Michonne smiles. "Who knew.."

"Who knew." Rosita pats the dog on the head and then turns to Daryl. "Where did you find it?"

"And why would you bring it here when I'm literally about to have a baby?" Alex asks.

Daryl lets out a chuckle and shakes his head. "Listen, I just thought since it's so late I'd keep him here until we find someone here to take him. We don't have to keep him."

Alex stares at the puppy and smiles. It's asleep in his arms, his brown and black fur mixed and his ears bigger than his tiny face. As Daryl walks closer the dog continues to sleep. Her eyes begin to well up a bit as she stares at Daryl and the dog, the cuteness from both of them making her emotional.

"We..." Alex tears up, internally yelling at herself not to cry over a damn puppy. "He's so cute. We don't have to...you know, give him away right?"

"If you don't want to." Daryl shrugs, leaning down to place a kiss on the top of Alex's head. 

For the rest of the night, they had moved into the living room after showing the the kids the sleeping puppy. Alex was looking at everyone for a moment, as she rested on the couch with a blanket pulled on her legs. If only she had Maggie here with Glenn, Rick here with Michonne...everyone together would make her so happy. But she began thinking about how strong this family is, people she once knew as strangers are now people who were all supportive of each other. It gave her not only hope, but tonight she felt progress. Things were gonna be okay. Things are okay.

It was past eleven at night and Alex was growing tired, which Daryl saw and insisted she'd go to bed. Michonne and Rosita agreed that they should leave to let them get to bed and have alone time since Daryl came back late. Rosita cleaned up for them as Michonne tried to get Judith and RJ away from the puppy and get ready to go home.

"Let me walk you up, okay?"

"No, no." Alex rolls her eyes. "Walk the girls out, I'll go."

"Lex..."

"Daryl, stop. It's just stairs and then our bedroom."

"She'll be okay." Rosita assures.

"Alright then." Daryl walks ahead to the front door, opening it and waiting for them. They hug Alex softly and then rub her belly a few times before grabbing their jackets and yelling for Judith. She comes running in with RJ crawling behind her.

"Good night Aunt Lex." She hugs her side, head resting on Alex's bump. "I love you!"

"Aunt Lex?" Alex smiles, furrowing her brows as she looks at Judith and Daryl. "I wonder who told you to call me Lex..."

"Uncle Daryl did." Judith laughs.

"Of course he did. Love you too, Jude."

"Alright silly, let's get going." Michonne speaks as she bends down to pick up RJ who was barely walking.

"Good night guys," Alex waves at them then makes her way up the stairs, clutching tightly on the banister before finally making it up and disappearing from their sight. Judith is still babbling on about some things, her energy hasn't seem to come to a halt no matter how late it was.

"Good night Uncle Daryl." She hugs his leg as he pats her head. "Love you."

"Night Jude, love you too."

There's a huge noise coming from upstairs, a bang echos throughout the house and makes Daryl flinch in the doorway. Rosita and Michonne exchange concerning looks at each other and straight ahead at Daryl, who stands frozen. Michonne grabs onto his arm and shoves him just enough to get him to turn around.

"Fuck!"

"Alex?" Daryl runs up the stairs, skipping a few and rushing towards their bedroom. As he approaches the door, he swings it open to see the bedside table and lamp lying on the ground as Alex is at the foot of the bed. She kneels on the ground, crying out in pain looking to the ground. He rushes to her and notices a pool of water beside her - except it's not exactly water.

"It's time," Alex groans in pain. "I think my water broke."

His heart pounds against his chest, but instead of staying frozen like before he acts fast. He rushes to her side and carefully picks her up and helps her walk out of the bedroom and down the steps.

Alex can't pay attention to anything else but the pain and gripping onto Daryl, as they make it out of the apartment. Rosita grabs onto Judith and RJ as she leaves to get Siddiq while Michonne helps Daryl with Alex. They rush down a few blocks in Alexandria to get to the Infirmary, both assuring Alex that everything was going to be okay and they weren't too far.

"I'm right here." Daryl tries to soothe her. She grips his hand hard and they bust through the infirmary in a rush. 

Hours and hours slowly go by as she tries to get through the pain, the contractions and the exhaustion that runs in her body. Daryl doesn't leave her side and neither does Rosita who stays on her other side. Siddiq and some other people who help out in the infirmary stay by his side, ready to help Alex with the birth of her child.

"I'm so scared." Alex cries out. "I'm scared, I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I can't."

"Hey, hey. Look at me." Daryl grips onto her hand and moves all her hair out of her glistening face and stares at her. Alex keeps her eyes closed and holds his hand tighter. "Alex. Lex, look at me, right at me."

She opens her eyes and keeps her brows furrowed. Shaking her head profusely she throws it back against the pillow and cries.

"I can't."

"You can. I know you can. You are strong, you always have been and we all know it. Just gotta keep on going, push through it alright? I'm here. And soon we'll meet em any minute now."

As Daryl tried to keep her calm, and help her through the undeniable pain he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. Any minute, or any hour, he'd become a dad. Something he never even thought of, something he never though he would ever become. But here he was, standing by her side watching her and supporting her through the birth of their child. Hours later the infirmary room goes empty and turns silent, leaving Daryl and Alex alone together with their baby.

"Do ya...have you thought about a name?" He whispers as he lay down next to her in the bed, his arm wrapped around her shoulders and his hand holds the baby's head.

"I haven't." She says in shame, dropping her head to stare down at their child. "I suck."

"You don't. Hey, It's alright," he uses his right hand to lift up her chin. "We'll figure it out. Together. We always figure it out, and I'll be here. "

Alex turns her head and nudges it into Daryl's neck, letting out a relaxed sigh.

"All these years," she begins to speak, "I've waited for you, I never moved on. I tried to stop thinking about us and everything that went wrong. I became this leader, I did a lot. But I also stood here waiting for you, knowing that no matter how angry I became day after day that you didn't come back...I knew you would eventually. And look where it got us."

"I promise you I'll never leave your side again. Even when things get rough."

"I hope so." She closes her eyes again and memories from when they first met in the prison begin to flood in.

The hostility from him to her was his response to the way he started to feel for someone, feelings he never knew he had. She thinks about everything, all the slow touches from hand holding, to desperate hugs after life threatening moments. Then, when they finally got together in Alexandria, where everything between them heightened. Where they got comfortable and found a home between each other, even when they found safety in Alexandria. Then, the fights and the heated division between each other when Negan tore everyone apart. And to now, finally getting a chance to live peacefully with Daryl by her side

"I know so." She says, correcting herself as she opens her eyes and looks down at their baby and back up at him. He stares down at her with his hooded eyes, searching for hers as she travels from looking all over his face. Finally, reaching his blue glimmering eyes almost as if he might be tearing up.

"Like you said, we'll always figure it out. Just this time...let's not let time get in between us again."

"I don't plan on missing anymore time with you or this one right here." Daryl says, taking the baby out of her arms, letting Alex turn into his body to rest as he holds on to the both of them. Alex notices Daryl chewing on his bottom lip, his eyes avert somewhere else other than the baby. 

"Are you alright?" She asks. "Are you...you know, having second thoughts about this?"

He stays quiet. His eyes close and the chewing stops as he furrows his brows in thought, not sure how to answer this or even approach it.

"You are, aren't you..."

"I'm not...I don't know."

"I'm so stupid." Alex closes her eyes as she realizes that it's not him having second thoughts, but maybe he's overwhelmed. "I know you mentioned Merle, and the family you had before all of this. But you're not...you're not them. Not your dad. You've barely ever told me about them, but that's not who you are. I know who you are, Michonne knows. Rick knew. The way you treat Judith and RJ, I have no doubt you'll protect our child and love them. Even the pup you brought home. I love you, and I believe in you."

Daryl nods his head, leaning in to place his lips on hers kissing her softly. Alex kisses back and smiles through it as a relieved tear drips down her face. He rests his forehead on hers after he pulls away from the kiss. He doesn't need to say a thing, and neither does she. Their love is real, it's strong and they both know no matter what comes to pull them apart...they'll always find each other.

Not even time can hurt them.

For what felt like forever, together they rest in bed with their child in front of them peacefully sleeping. It takes a few minutes until Alex falls asleep on Daryl's chest as he breathes softly, a tear or two escaping and falling slowly on his cheek. He's beginning to understand that this...this is a sign, possibly the reason why he needs to move one and to stay here. Not just for Alex and him, but for their child and the future. For them, Rick's kids, and every one else that has to grow up.

As long as he has her and this baby they made, it gives him hope.


End file.
